Skate Anatomy: Jerry Hsu

By: | Tuesday, July 25, 2006 //

Jerry Hsu

Right side:

Hyperextended elbow:
“Fell backward and straight-armed it. One of my elbow joints popped out and my forearm was experiencing new angles that I never thought possible. I almost threw up. I yanked it back into place and went to the hospital. I had to get a screw put in to hold a fractured bone in place.”

Fractured ankle:
“My ankles are about as strong as toothpicks. I hurt them all the time. I never have a good kickflip for more than a month or two. Anyways, one time I tweaked my ankle so bad I thought it broke. At the hospital, the doctor was looking at my X rays and told me nothing was currently broken, though I had fractured it twice in the past and never did anything about it.”

Left side:

Dislocated hand:
“I was in Australia filming doubles with Louie on a cement quarterpipe, about an hour outside Melbourne. The filmer missed my trick so we had to do it again. The next try, I hung up and fell backward and squashed my left arm. Both my elbow and hand dislocated. I popped my arm back in, but my hand was way past frontier medicine. The country hospital kept me there for about six hours, then told me I had to go back to Melbourne for treatment. When I got there, the doctors all went home and I had to wait until the next morning. My hand was dislocated for about 19 hours.”

Center:

Crippled lower back:
“This never goes away. Basically, I have arthritis in my lower back and the ligaments in my joints are being worn away. Sometimes I’m all right for months and I get to skate all the time, but then I’ll wake up one morning and feel about 900 years old with knives in my back. I skate so little, it’s a crime I get paid for it. This ailment will definitely end my skateboard career a little early.”

Smacked head:
“This happens all the time, but there are two that stand out. The first happened in L.A. where I fell backward and smacked my head on the ground. I was unconscious, then started going into convulsions and screaming. Then I slowly came to, and Louie told me everything that happened. I didn’t know where I was or how I got there. I started remembering in the ambulance. The second was in San Jose. I stuck on a tall ledge and smacked the side of my head on the ground from about six or seven feet in the air. My left arm also dislocated. I couldn’t see or hear for about a minute.”

Popsicle to ruptured urethra:
“I think this might be the number one fear of all skaters, to be impaled by your shred stick and have blood gushing out of your penis. Well, I had the pleasure of experiencing this when I was about 15. I was trying some block trick and my back foot slipped and my board just shot up at my crotch, like when Daffy Duck steps on a rake. As I lay there on the ground in the fetal position, I was absolutely positive something was very, very wrong. I opened my pants to find blood coming out of my penis. I went home and got in the shower and then blood and other little bits of insides came gushing out of my wiener, and I started screaming. The pain was indescribable. My friends heard me screaming and called 911. The fire department, the paramedics—they all showed up. And in the heat of it all, my mom comes home, on her birthday. At the hospital the doctor explained that I tore my urethra and that I was bleeding internally. I had to wear a catheter for 12 days. For all you kids who don’t know what a catheter is, it’s a tube that goes into your peehole all the way to your bladder and empties it into a bag strapped to your thigh. The tube’s about as thick as a pencil.”

Broken hearts:
“‘I know you’re just spending time with me because you hurt your ankle and it’s raining outside.’ Sound familiar? It all comes down to your girlfriend competing with your skateboard and feeling neglected, or just jealous you got something special and they’re trying to make their parents happy. You could come home after a road trip to find bizarro-girlfriend has killed your girlfriend and is suddenly dating your best friend or something insane. It’s been open season on your skate buddies while you were gone! Skating almost always has something to do with girls high-tailing it. It stings for a while, but just remember your axe was there before her and it’s gonna be there way after she rebounds with some goon.” SB

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