Skate Anatomy: Patrick Melcher

By: | Monday, July 24, 2006 //

Patrick Melcher

Left Side

Broken elbow:
“I was crooked grinding this 11-stair handrail and landed primo, dove forward and my weight focused my elbow backward. It was gross, looking down and seeing my hand screwed on upside down. Luckily, it only took two months to recover.”

Exploded left testicle:
“While launching over a platform at a skatepark, I landed pogo-stick style with the nose of my board stabbing me in the nuts. It severed my nut from my sack and ruptured the testicle so bad that it caused internal bleeding in my kidneys and spleen, which made me vomit blood for 24 hours. I couldn’t walk for nine days and then they told me that they needed to perform surgery to save my nut. It sucked. I peed blood for a week. But they say I can still have kids.”

Broken all fingers on left hand:
“It seems that I have a habit of slamming my body down with my hands underneath me and crushing my fingers. If you ever have to break one of your bones I recommend breaking a finger. You can still skate and healing time is usually minimal.”

Center

Torn butthole:
“Missed a lipslide on a handrail and went straight to my nuts. Tore my sack open and bruised my no-man’s-land. The worst part was ripping my asshole. I couldn’t sit down and I had to wait two weeks until I could go to the bathroom, which messed me all up intestinally.”

Gashed forehead:
“Skating with my peeps back in middle school. I was looking back talking to them while rolling, turned around just in time to smack into this lamppost. When I woke up everybody was crowded around me and saying, ‘Look at all that blood.’ I was so stunned that I couldn’t feel any pain. I thought they were messing with me until blood started pouring into my eyes and mouth. I ended up with 19 stitches and a pretty cool scar.”

Smashed front teeth:
“My first time on a skateboard. I was stoked and smiling and had no concept of what wheelbite was. Long story short, I learned fast and now have two porcelain fronts.”

Ruptured urethra:
“I nutsacked on this kinked hubba that I was trying to boardslide. It had a rail connected to it that my front wheels smacked into. I dove, of course, spread-eagle directly onto the kink sending my right nut up into my body cavity and rupturing my urethra. This time I only peed blood for three days. But I couldn’t skate for three weeks.”

Concussion/severe head trauma:
“I was very young and playing in my driveway. My sister and I were having a race from one end of the driveway to the other, kneeling on our skateboards and using our hands to propel us as fast as we could. I ended up becoming so focused on pushing with my head down that I never bothered to look up and see the car bumper that would take me out. When I opened my eyes everything was white, but that didn’t matter because all that I could think about was, ‘Why am I not breathing?’ Well, my vision slowly returned and it took a few days before I could breathe properly again. I had to do little baby breaths for a little while, for some reason my lungs couldn’t take in any oxygen.”

Right Side

Mangled right knee:
“Frontside 180-ing a set of stairs, I landed wrong and folded my knee sideways—completely tearing my ACL, PCL, MCL, and lateral meniscus. Two-reconstructive-surgeries and six-months-of-therapy later, I was able to skate again. The worst part of this injury was how it broke my drive and desire for skating. That took a bit longer to repair. Broken bones and shit heal on their own, but you have to make an effort to mend your will.”

Broken foot:
“Backyard ramp skating, age 12. I thought that I was cool skating barefoot, hung-up on a fakie rock and crumbled my foot on the way down. Stupid, stupid, stupid kid. I spent the summer limping. Unless you live in Brazil or something, you’ve really gotta learn how to skate before you take your shoes off.”

Broken all fingers on right hand:
“At one time or another I’ve broken every finger that I have, thumbs too. The worst one is my pinky on the right hand. I’ve fractured it six times, and I rarely go to the doctor to get it set back. At this point, it’s cocked about 30 degrees to the left and won’t straighten out at all. I give up.”

Stabbed in calf muscle:
“While disassembling one of my buddies’ backyard ramps I got stabbed with a nail. I was hauling some wood, which slipped out of my hands and dropped—pinning me on the ground. When we lifted the wood up we pulled a three-inch nail out of my calf. I proceeded to pass out from blood loss.”

Broken shoulder:
“Thirteen years old, skating vert, I hung-up on a tailslide and fell backward to the flat with my arms out behind me—snapping my shoulder bone and sending it up into my face. This was by far the worst injury I’ve ever had, due to the process and amount of time that it took to recover. I went into surgery thinking that I’d be going home later that evening. Upon waking, I discovered a metal rod, sticking through my elbow, that was stringing me up to the canopy of the bed. And there I would lie for over a month. Being in traction means that you can’t move at all in your bed, so I had to eat, bathe, and shit while lying in the same position. After that, I had eight months of various casts, slings, and immobilizers strapped to my body. I’d rather give birth to a full-grown giraffe out of my ass than go through that again.” SB

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